The culmination of the past month has left me feeling utterly on the verge of failure. But my prospects are brighter than ever. Is that strange? I know that if my sleep habits continue like they have the past 10 years, I will not have a job, and therefore no income. I am counting on myself to change. Nay, God to be my change. I have to wake up everyday at 7 now. That is a new thing for me, and will give me and chance to be productive in this life. I believe that spirituality and discipline are closely related things, and that one directly influences the other. But the change is not me. And that is my point.
The change in me has been profound. It has changed the way I view the world. It has changed how I approach conflict. It changes how I spend my time. Every waking second is wrought with purpose. I may not always be actualizing that purpose, or feel like I am, but nevertheless it stays constant. Why? Despite having recently dug myself outside of a financial hole, and then quit my job, I feel confident. Am I foolish? Is it blind faith? I have no doubts. It is not blind. I have deep, rooted reasons for believing in what I believe, because we as humans were made with an instinct for life to have meaning. It does not work to artificially create meaning as we go, as one would try with humanism. No, life must have inherent meaning. But you have to go to the source. And it must be genuine. You have to want to know God, not just the benefits of knowing God.
And that's all I have to say about that. :) God Bless.
September 22, 2009
August 06, 2009
The God Disillusion
Yesterday was a very good day. My good friend Owen came down from Roanoke (or rather up) to spend time with me. Spending time – isn’t that such a fitting analogy? It is as if we’re on an income stream, and we are deciding second by second where the money is going. Some people waste money. Lots of people waste time. But deep thoughts aside for a second, Owen did indeed spend time with me. He invested time into me, and continues to do so. That is why I consider him a good friend. Well, one of many reasons.
Yesterday in small group, we had a very interesting discussion involving future events, what happens in the event of death, and other rather interesting specimens of discussion. I felt right at home at the small group bible study. If you recall, I used to feel rather out of place and alienated at bible studies. These dudes are really good guys. Especially Kevin, Seth, and Matt Light. In these men I saw a genuine interest in me and who I was as a person. And they were men. They are men that are open and vulnerable with each other. They share their imperfections and insecurities. But far from being a collective self-pity session, these men encourage each other, lift up one another’s spirits, and help set and reset each other to living a more Godly life.
I’ll touch on that for a second. What does it mean to be Godly? By definition, it means to be like God. Christians believe in one God. Triune yet one. Soul, mind, and body perhaps applied in extra-dimensional infiniteness, where it is hard to differentiate the parts. I am one person, but yet am body, and soul. Arguably more parts (soul and body + spirit, mind, etc.) Perhaps three. Whatever your theology, I am parts, but I am also one. God, in his infiniteness, exists in a form that is practically beyond me to fully understand. And here I take leave.
But God has attributes. How can something infinite be bound to possess a finite attribute? It is only when the attribute itself also becomes infinite. When God loves, he loves with an infinite love. When God hates, he does so with an infinite and righteous and (quite by definition) Godly hate. God is said to be slow to anger. Would it be logical to say that he is infinitely slow to anger? As in never having anger? No, but rather that WHEN God is slow to anger he does so with infinite slowness to anger.
Notice the “when God is.” In our limited reasoning, it might seem logical to say that if God ever hated, then his hating is a constant that persists all through time. In other words, that if God possesses infinite hatred, then the transfer from infinite to space-time as we know it renders this hatred as being readily expressed at all times. But, maybe it is more like this: a spectator gazing into a dazzling and expressive painting, feeling varying emotions when each color splashes on his senses. If the entirety of space-time where like a motionless painting to God, he could, quite apart from space-time, have varying emotional reactions and feelings toward the painting. But this continues to limit God, and confine him to our understanding. Here I withdraw.
I believe that God has made some of his attributes known to us. He is loving, and would logically want to do so. But wait, it is illogical for him to do so. If God is good and so rightly above us, he has every right to abandon us into the dust of the galaxy and leave us on our “merry” way. Here the deist has some sort of foothold. But the deist is not someone I want as my best friend, because he would follow the religion of abandonment. That doesn’t seem so nice to me. If humans by nature are bad, and I have good reason to believe that we are, then we need some means of help outside of ourselves to, at the very least, restore us to faithful and healthy relations with one another. Then, perhaps, we would be indebted to God, who was in the position to help us out. But the problem is that God would never logically help us out.
It is like giving the deeds to everything that you own in your last will, on your deathbed, without hope of reconciliation, to a former friend who betrayed you and turned his back on everything that you held dear about the relationship. Maybe that friend is doing just fine on his own. That is all and good. As humans, we are doing just fine on our own. But what of the injured relationship? In some fit of a last-ditched attempt to procure a compulsory bond between friends at the very end, I give my old friend everything that I had in life.
If the benefactor in the previous example is in the right, God is infinitely more. By definition, God is perfect, as the existence of imperfection proves that there is something out there that lives up to the standard. If not, the standard would not exist. But okay, let’s at least assume for a second God is perfect. In the previous example, the friend abandoned the benefactor. We have done more so to God, because we completely broke off contact. We booted ourselves from the garden. We chose to drive our cars and live in pretty houses and manage our own lives, apart from any connection to the source of life. Ironically, we are attached, even now, to incubators, to God’s lifeline, as God’s power resides in creation, in matter. The energy that sprung life into motion was God’s energy. Those who breathe threats against the “empty heavens” are using the air God created. We are using the very life source that we claim to control. We are mapping out our journey along on a single-rail system. We only cannot see the rail. Because we do not know what has been predetermined, it is as if (from our perspective) we are not predetermined at all, and choose our fates. Haha, silly humans.
But we have cut the phone cord. We are even now denying the existence of the spiritual realm. What was obvious to humans in the past is not so apparent now. Naturalism is the way to knowledge. Humanism is the way to morals and happiness. Deism is the way to justify the necessary and logical existence of God, and eastern mysticism is the attempt to explain the very prevalent spiritual realm and additionally turn a profit by making the human being the god of gods. Meanwhile, God is placed under every other conceivable priority in life – one’s job, one’s marriage, one’s church even. One’s emotional needs, one’s sexual needs, one’s physical needs. Too much need in a certain area of life implies an imbalance. Too much priority on a single thing in life is obsession. Strangely enough, when the priority is placed in the right place – on God, then things start to align a little and make more sense. I say this from personal experience. Life now has essential (not manufactured or contrived) meaning. Relationships are fulfilling, difficult, and get to the heart of things. Godliness is openness. Hiding is not from God. And hiding is exactly what humans are doing to God, their maker and lover, and very source of life.
So what is God to do with such a rebellious child? Vaporize him? That is clearly not the case, as our existence continues. Cast him away into the ruin of his own follies? That is a possibility, and one of the logical out-workings of Deism. That is also the rational route. But to standby, withhold destruction, in grace, but actually not standby, and actively pursue that which was lost, is unnatural. It is supernatural.
God goes a step further than the previous benefactor and gives us two things that are the most dear to him: his own life, and his own son. Okay, Jesus claimed to be God, so therefore God died for my sins. But the father is also God, and God gave his Son, Jesus, for me. Contradictory? Seemingly. But these attest to one of God’s most mind-squashing attributes – self-sacrificial love.
Without self-sacrificial love, the world would be a much darker place. To love someone else completely is to set their needs above your own. Without self-sacrificial love, perhaps our nation, perhaps the planet, perhaps human history would not exist. God has every right to wipe us out.
Yes God is triune in nature. That is another discussion. The Bible, along with the real world, is full of paradoxes. And reality is full of puzzle pieces that nearly fit but somehow never fully find their place. Science is full of theories and speculations, and the farther we delve into understanding our universe, the more baffled we are to wrap our brains around it. So, this seemingly contradicting out-of-the-box God seeks those, and is sought by those, who would be Godly. Like himself. Light seeks light. Good seeks good. A novel concept.
Pardon the sarcasm, if you please. So, does living Godly make someone a better person? Yes. Is that always in accordance with the human understanding of what “good” is? Probably not. What denotes living a Godly life? Being religious and uber-spiritual? Jesus railed predominantly against the religious authorities in place in his time. They sought to restrict people in their practice of worship and religious service. Jesus liberated, saying that those that had pure hearts were true worshippers indeed. The religious figures sought to condemn those who practiced especially apparent and blatant sins. Jesus told people to trust in him for the forgiveness of sins, and told them to “go and sin no more.” Having a pure heart and abstaining totally from sin are quite impossible from a human vantage point, so perhaps some divine intervention is in order?
Needing God’s help to live a Godly life, now that’s a new one. So, God is causing us NOT to sin? In a sense, controlling, restricting us? Yes, and we love it. If there is any restriction that comes from following moral guidelines, it is swallowed up in the freedom of being able now to live completely in love. One who drives the speed limit need never feel the nagging worry of being pulled over by the police officer. So are we puppets, hands and feet bound to move in accordance with the Great Puppeteer? It is unknown what method God uses to cause all things to occur in accordance with His sovereign Will. But it makes sense. When I look at history, (certainly predisposed now to view it from a Christian perspective), I see one common theme: futility. Kingdoms flourishing, and in the blink of an eye vanishing. Political machines, A-type personalities, Go-getters, all striving for their place in the books. Who cares? We care about the present, and how our mistakes will affect us, and how we can learn from history. But no-one sheds a tear for Napoleon anymore (as a person remembers a dead friend). Theodore Roosevelt, in his prime, moved some mountains. But how much eternal significance did his life carry?
Even from a naturalist perspective, this theme of futility carries through. But without the remedy offered by the Bible – that God somehow will make everything work out for good – the naturalist suffers. All of the good things the world has produced, what is the purpose? Continuing our mediocre and painful existence on the planet, and soon other worlds? Whoever says life is not pain has not lived. Whoever says do not cry has not seen a hospital bill that they cannot pay without selling their car. Whoever says love does not exist is not a dreamer. Whoever says that love is conditional has not experienced true love.
To live Godly is to live for a higher ideal. To live beyond oneself, attaining the unattainable, for the time being, but knowing that someday the goal will be at hand. To live Godly is to live connected. To live Godly is to love others. The greatest example of love is the infinite love shown in a finite window of time here on Earth through the life of Jesus. What greater love than a man to lay down his life for his friends? And what greater hate than to spurn the memory of someone who died in your stead? To believe that the need for light in your soul pales in comparison to the darkness spewed forth by the rest of the world?
Those who live Godly are perfecting themselves. They strive more and more each day to be like Jesus. That is what I am trying to do with my life. That is what more and more defines me as a person. I hope people will someday call me a Godly man. That is my heart’s desire.
My second is up. The pursuit of Godliness is not a vain thing, nor is it something to be taken lightly, as if it does not matter. A quote of a friend of mine has been going through my head all day – “one’s relationship with God is paramount.” I have failed miserably to convey my total thoughts. Good night.
Yesterday in small group, we had a very interesting discussion involving future events, what happens in the event of death, and other rather interesting specimens of discussion. I felt right at home at the small group bible study. If you recall, I used to feel rather out of place and alienated at bible studies. These dudes are really good guys. Especially Kevin, Seth, and Matt Light. In these men I saw a genuine interest in me and who I was as a person. And they were men. They are men that are open and vulnerable with each other. They share their imperfections and insecurities. But far from being a collective self-pity session, these men encourage each other, lift up one another’s spirits, and help set and reset each other to living a more Godly life.
I’ll touch on that for a second. What does it mean to be Godly? By definition, it means to be like God. Christians believe in one God. Triune yet one. Soul, mind, and body perhaps applied in extra-dimensional infiniteness, where it is hard to differentiate the parts. I am one person, but yet am body, and soul. Arguably more parts (soul and body + spirit, mind, etc.) Perhaps three. Whatever your theology, I am parts, but I am also one. God, in his infiniteness, exists in a form that is practically beyond me to fully understand. And here I take leave.
But God has attributes. How can something infinite be bound to possess a finite attribute? It is only when the attribute itself also becomes infinite. When God loves, he loves with an infinite love. When God hates, he does so with an infinite and righteous and (quite by definition) Godly hate. God is said to be slow to anger. Would it be logical to say that he is infinitely slow to anger? As in never having anger? No, but rather that WHEN God is slow to anger he does so with infinite slowness to anger.
Notice the “when God is.” In our limited reasoning, it might seem logical to say that if God ever hated, then his hating is a constant that persists all through time. In other words, that if God possesses infinite hatred, then the transfer from infinite to space-time as we know it renders this hatred as being readily expressed at all times. But, maybe it is more like this: a spectator gazing into a dazzling and expressive painting, feeling varying emotions when each color splashes on his senses. If the entirety of space-time where like a motionless painting to God, he could, quite apart from space-time, have varying emotional reactions and feelings toward the painting. But this continues to limit God, and confine him to our understanding. Here I withdraw.
I believe that God has made some of his attributes known to us. He is loving, and would logically want to do so. But wait, it is illogical for him to do so. If God is good and so rightly above us, he has every right to abandon us into the dust of the galaxy and leave us on our “merry” way. Here the deist has some sort of foothold. But the deist is not someone I want as my best friend, because he would follow the religion of abandonment. That doesn’t seem so nice to me. If humans by nature are bad, and I have good reason to believe that we are, then we need some means of help outside of ourselves to, at the very least, restore us to faithful and healthy relations with one another. Then, perhaps, we would be indebted to God, who was in the position to help us out. But the problem is that God would never logically help us out.
It is like giving the deeds to everything that you own in your last will, on your deathbed, without hope of reconciliation, to a former friend who betrayed you and turned his back on everything that you held dear about the relationship. Maybe that friend is doing just fine on his own. That is all and good. As humans, we are doing just fine on our own. But what of the injured relationship? In some fit of a last-ditched attempt to procure a compulsory bond between friends at the very end, I give my old friend everything that I had in life.
If the benefactor in the previous example is in the right, God is infinitely more. By definition, God is perfect, as the existence of imperfection proves that there is something out there that lives up to the standard. If not, the standard would not exist. But okay, let’s at least assume for a second God is perfect. In the previous example, the friend abandoned the benefactor. We have done more so to God, because we completely broke off contact. We booted ourselves from the garden. We chose to drive our cars and live in pretty houses and manage our own lives, apart from any connection to the source of life. Ironically, we are attached, even now, to incubators, to God’s lifeline, as God’s power resides in creation, in matter. The energy that sprung life into motion was God’s energy. Those who breathe threats against the “empty heavens” are using the air God created. We are using the very life source that we claim to control. We are mapping out our journey along on a single-rail system. We only cannot see the rail. Because we do not know what has been predetermined, it is as if (from our perspective) we are not predetermined at all, and choose our fates. Haha, silly humans.
But we have cut the phone cord. We are even now denying the existence of the spiritual realm. What was obvious to humans in the past is not so apparent now. Naturalism is the way to knowledge. Humanism is the way to morals and happiness. Deism is the way to justify the necessary and logical existence of God, and eastern mysticism is the attempt to explain the very prevalent spiritual realm and additionally turn a profit by making the human being the god of gods. Meanwhile, God is placed under every other conceivable priority in life – one’s job, one’s marriage, one’s church even. One’s emotional needs, one’s sexual needs, one’s physical needs. Too much need in a certain area of life implies an imbalance. Too much priority on a single thing in life is obsession. Strangely enough, when the priority is placed in the right place – on God, then things start to align a little and make more sense. I say this from personal experience. Life now has essential (not manufactured or contrived) meaning. Relationships are fulfilling, difficult, and get to the heart of things. Godliness is openness. Hiding is not from God. And hiding is exactly what humans are doing to God, their maker and lover, and very source of life.
So what is God to do with such a rebellious child? Vaporize him? That is clearly not the case, as our existence continues. Cast him away into the ruin of his own follies? That is a possibility, and one of the logical out-workings of Deism. That is also the rational route. But to standby, withhold destruction, in grace, but actually not standby, and actively pursue that which was lost, is unnatural. It is supernatural.
God goes a step further than the previous benefactor and gives us two things that are the most dear to him: his own life, and his own son. Okay, Jesus claimed to be God, so therefore God died for my sins. But the father is also God, and God gave his Son, Jesus, for me. Contradictory? Seemingly. But these attest to one of God’s most mind-squashing attributes – self-sacrificial love.
Without self-sacrificial love, the world would be a much darker place. To love someone else completely is to set their needs above your own. Without self-sacrificial love, perhaps our nation, perhaps the planet, perhaps human history would not exist. God has every right to wipe us out.
Yes God is triune in nature. That is another discussion. The Bible, along with the real world, is full of paradoxes. And reality is full of puzzle pieces that nearly fit but somehow never fully find their place. Science is full of theories and speculations, and the farther we delve into understanding our universe, the more baffled we are to wrap our brains around it. So, this seemingly contradicting out-of-the-box God seeks those, and is sought by those, who would be Godly. Like himself. Light seeks light. Good seeks good. A novel concept.
Pardon the sarcasm, if you please. So, does living Godly make someone a better person? Yes. Is that always in accordance with the human understanding of what “good” is? Probably not. What denotes living a Godly life? Being religious and uber-spiritual? Jesus railed predominantly against the religious authorities in place in his time. They sought to restrict people in their practice of worship and religious service. Jesus liberated, saying that those that had pure hearts were true worshippers indeed. The religious figures sought to condemn those who practiced especially apparent and blatant sins. Jesus told people to trust in him for the forgiveness of sins, and told them to “go and sin no more.” Having a pure heart and abstaining totally from sin are quite impossible from a human vantage point, so perhaps some divine intervention is in order?
Needing God’s help to live a Godly life, now that’s a new one. So, God is causing us NOT to sin? In a sense, controlling, restricting us? Yes, and we love it. If there is any restriction that comes from following moral guidelines, it is swallowed up in the freedom of being able now to live completely in love. One who drives the speed limit need never feel the nagging worry of being pulled over by the police officer. So are we puppets, hands and feet bound to move in accordance with the Great Puppeteer? It is unknown what method God uses to cause all things to occur in accordance with His sovereign Will. But it makes sense. When I look at history, (certainly predisposed now to view it from a Christian perspective), I see one common theme: futility. Kingdoms flourishing, and in the blink of an eye vanishing. Political machines, A-type personalities, Go-getters, all striving for their place in the books. Who cares? We care about the present, and how our mistakes will affect us, and how we can learn from history. But no-one sheds a tear for Napoleon anymore (as a person remembers a dead friend). Theodore Roosevelt, in his prime, moved some mountains. But how much eternal significance did his life carry?
Even from a naturalist perspective, this theme of futility carries through. But without the remedy offered by the Bible – that God somehow will make everything work out for good – the naturalist suffers. All of the good things the world has produced, what is the purpose? Continuing our mediocre and painful existence on the planet, and soon other worlds? Whoever says life is not pain has not lived. Whoever says do not cry has not seen a hospital bill that they cannot pay without selling their car. Whoever says love does not exist is not a dreamer. Whoever says that love is conditional has not experienced true love.
To live Godly is to live for a higher ideal. To live beyond oneself, attaining the unattainable, for the time being, but knowing that someday the goal will be at hand. To live Godly is to live connected. To live Godly is to love others. The greatest example of love is the infinite love shown in a finite window of time here on Earth through the life of Jesus. What greater love than a man to lay down his life for his friends? And what greater hate than to spurn the memory of someone who died in your stead? To believe that the need for light in your soul pales in comparison to the darkness spewed forth by the rest of the world?
Those who live Godly are perfecting themselves. They strive more and more each day to be like Jesus. That is what I am trying to do with my life. That is what more and more defines me as a person. I hope people will someday call me a Godly man. That is my heart’s desire.
My second is up. The pursuit of Godliness is not a vain thing, nor is it something to be taken lightly, as if it does not matter. A quote of a friend of mine has been going through my head all day – “one’s relationship with God is paramount.” I have failed miserably to convey my total thoughts. Good night.
August 04, 2009
Love is a clock
Here is a poem that I just wrote. It fails miserably to grasp the feelings that I am trying to convey. But such is the reality of articulating grand concepts. Notwithstanding;
For the time being
We clearly remain
Bones sing
Cymbals clang
And I will become
For what I was made
History repeats
Cycle pervades
Repeating for all
To see the set
The shrill design
In a night dim lit
Shadows from small flame
Sing about this game
History repeats
Knowledge deplete
Can you not see
Or rather feel
The stars at night
The maker's quill
Return at last
To the source of soul
The spiritual set
The cycle glow
Harmonious hum
Efficient machine
A key to a lock
Door shut for an age
For all that is naught
And not that is all
I'd rather give
Myself to the call
When we were made
In the eve of forethought
After infinite love
The world wrought
Can we achieve
Can we meet
History repeats
Eventually complete
For the time being
We clearly remain
Bones sing
Cymbals clang
And I will become
For what I was made
History repeats
Cycle pervades
Repeating for all
To see the set
The shrill design
In a night dim lit
Shadows from small flame
Sing about this game
History repeats
Knowledge deplete
Can you not see
Or rather feel
The stars at night
The maker's quill
Return at last
To the source of soul
The spiritual set
The cycle glow
Harmonious hum
Efficient machine
A key to a lock
Door shut for an age
For all that is naught
And not that is all
I'd rather give
Myself to the call
When we were made
In the eve of forethought
After infinite love
The world wrought
Can we achieve
Can we meet
History repeats
Eventually complete
July 05, 2009
God In Demand
I have more thoughts than I can write down. Such is usually the case.
Starting with how I have been. The answer is better than I was a year-and-a-half ago. Actually, I have somewhat gotten used to the fruits of knowing God, that is, the persistent hope and joy that I have in the Spirit. I don't want to become complacent or take anything for granted. I thank God for so richly giving me what I do not deserve. The truth is, I am doing well. And primarily because I have basically handed my life over to God to do with what he wants.
First, how do I know what God wants me to do? How do I know God's will? Well, first, I believe that the bible is God's primary source of revealed knowledge to us lowly humans. If God is God, a separate, infinite, and good being, then could not he, would not he preserve the words that he wants to pass down to humans? The goal is to be connected with God. Even if we live "good" lives on this Earth, with respect to our relations with people, we have failed to connect with God, mind you, a perfect God. That which is light cannot associate with darkness. It consumes, destroys it. That which is perfect cannot commune with that which is imperfect. There IS a disconnect there.
Well, I start off on my personal story but end up shortly in a defense for my faith. Why do I defend it? It is not because God needs defending. If my words can possibly be used for something other than benefiting me, I am fulfilled. I am a part of something. This aspect, this community that I have been brought into is part, only part of the reason of the joy, overflowing joy that I have now.
The disconnect - the good we have in us, perhaps isn't even our own. But just how good is the good we think we have? What do we want more, to love or be loved? To think of others more highly than ourselves, or seek praise, often indirectly, from others? In my experience in these brief examples, I chose the latter. That was done through deep introspection. I cared very deeply about things that affected me. I didn't care so much for other people, including close friends and family. I cared! But not as much as I should have.
So the heart of a person, their motives, their deepest desires, are often very selfish. Why does one contribute to charities? To fulfill some sense of duty or to feel better about oneself. Why does one seek out friendships? Often to not be alone. In my experience, looking deeply behind my motives and being HONEST with myself, these were too true. I was selfish.
THAT is only the aspect of human relationships. We have wronged fellow friends, family, strangers, millions of people perhaps that we don't know. Because of motives, because of our heart. HOW MUCH MORE have we wronged God? How much more have we ignored the spiritual aspect in life? Or dared deny the need for God's help, nay much more than help, to live a good life? How dare we deny the need for a savior, the need for Jesus to have lived a perfect life for the purpose of dying on the cross for our sins, and resurrecting himself to give us new life? We have defected. We are enemies of the light. There is a form of darkness residing in us, and light cannot, will not by definition associate with darkness.
These are the foundational truths I have come to accept as more than fact. As more than knowledge. It is super-knowledge, if you will. But faith is something that you uphold. You upkeep. You preserve. However, I am not preserving my faith. It never was me in the first place. It is God. He is the source of my faith. He is the source of my good. I had a thought recently, that perhaps God's grace extends beyond those who believe in Jesus to non-believers, in the form of GOOD expressed towards fellow people! We see a lot of evil in the world, we also see a lot of good. Acceptance by non-Christians. True love, true friendship. WHY?? Because God is gracious to allow that good to exist in a person.
Geez, we are getting mixed up in the doctrines of predestination, original sin, free will of Man, and all kinds of mind twisting jargon. Basically, God is in control. Because God is infinite, because God is the causer and not the caused, because God is loving and obsessed with human affairs, even individual lives, a life put in his hands is a life well-placed, or well-lived. Because my feeble, finite mind cannot start to comprehend that which is infinite, I must have faith that it all works out. Is that foolish? Perhaps. But perhaps even the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of Men (and women!)
Need I confront all the objections to Christianity? I am not defending it as if it needed defending. I feel like sharing what I believe, and these are some of the many thoughts of why I believe what I believe. The opening line of this post is very accurate. I covered many areas of argument, many in simplistic terms. Looking at the nature of reality, at the world around us, things can be summarized, simplified down, and remain true. A tree is a tree is a tree. More applicable, I know my mother. I know my God. Simple truths that kids can understand, but read into them with science and philosophy and history, and these truths begin to confound the wise. Good-bye! And good-night.
p.s. I don't actually know God's will; in absolutely brief summary, I practice the virtues and ideals found in the Bible, which direct my big decisions in life. Also, the Great Commission has more and more bearing on what I do with my time. So, with day-to-day prayer, I try and be open to sense God's direction through opened or closed doors. Feelings play a part, but don't drive the train. I'm open to being stretched, to be made uncomfortable, to go where I need to go, and be active and productive where I'm needed.
Starting with how I have been. The answer is better than I was a year-and-a-half ago. Actually, I have somewhat gotten used to the fruits of knowing God, that is, the persistent hope and joy that I have in the Spirit. I don't want to become complacent or take anything for granted. I thank God for so richly giving me what I do not deserve. The truth is, I am doing well. And primarily because I have basically handed my life over to God to do with what he wants.
First, how do I know what God wants me to do? How do I know God's will? Well, first, I believe that the bible is God's primary source of revealed knowledge to us lowly humans. If God is God, a separate, infinite, and good being, then could not he, would not he preserve the words that he wants to pass down to humans? The goal is to be connected with God. Even if we live "good" lives on this Earth, with respect to our relations with people, we have failed to connect with God, mind you, a perfect God. That which is light cannot associate with darkness. It consumes, destroys it. That which is perfect cannot commune with that which is imperfect. There IS a disconnect there.
Well, I start off on my personal story but end up shortly in a defense for my faith. Why do I defend it? It is not because God needs defending. If my words can possibly be used for something other than benefiting me, I am fulfilled. I am a part of something. This aspect, this community that I have been brought into is part, only part of the reason of the joy, overflowing joy that I have now.
The disconnect - the good we have in us, perhaps isn't even our own. But just how good is the good we think we have? What do we want more, to love or be loved? To think of others more highly than ourselves, or seek praise, often indirectly, from others? In my experience in these brief examples, I chose the latter. That was done through deep introspection. I cared very deeply about things that affected me. I didn't care so much for other people, including close friends and family. I cared! But not as much as I should have.
So the heart of a person, their motives, their deepest desires, are often very selfish. Why does one contribute to charities? To fulfill some sense of duty or to feel better about oneself. Why does one seek out friendships? Often to not be alone. In my experience, looking deeply behind my motives and being HONEST with myself, these were too true. I was selfish.
THAT is only the aspect of human relationships. We have wronged fellow friends, family, strangers, millions of people perhaps that we don't know. Because of motives, because of our heart. HOW MUCH MORE have we wronged God? How much more have we ignored the spiritual aspect in life? Or dared deny the need for God's help, nay much more than help, to live a good life? How dare we deny the need for a savior, the need for Jesus to have lived a perfect life for the purpose of dying on the cross for our sins, and resurrecting himself to give us new life? We have defected. We are enemies of the light. There is a form of darkness residing in us, and light cannot, will not by definition associate with darkness.
These are the foundational truths I have come to accept as more than fact. As more than knowledge. It is super-knowledge, if you will. But faith is something that you uphold. You upkeep. You preserve. However, I am not preserving my faith. It never was me in the first place. It is God. He is the source of my faith. He is the source of my good. I had a thought recently, that perhaps God's grace extends beyond those who believe in Jesus to non-believers, in the form of GOOD expressed towards fellow people! We see a lot of evil in the world, we also see a lot of good. Acceptance by non-Christians. True love, true friendship. WHY?? Because God is gracious to allow that good to exist in a person.
Geez, we are getting mixed up in the doctrines of predestination, original sin, free will of Man, and all kinds of mind twisting jargon. Basically, God is in control. Because God is infinite, because God is the causer and not the caused, because God is loving and obsessed with human affairs, even individual lives, a life put in his hands is a life well-placed, or well-lived. Because my feeble, finite mind cannot start to comprehend that which is infinite, I must have faith that it all works out. Is that foolish? Perhaps. But perhaps even the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of Men (and women!)
Need I confront all the objections to Christianity? I am not defending it as if it needed defending. I feel like sharing what I believe, and these are some of the many thoughts of why I believe what I believe. The opening line of this post is very accurate. I covered many areas of argument, many in simplistic terms. Looking at the nature of reality, at the world around us, things can be summarized, simplified down, and remain true. A tree is a tree is a tree. More applicable, I know my mother. I know my God. Simple truths that kids can understand, but read into them with science and philosophy and history, and these truths begin to confound the wise. Good-bye! And good-night.
p.s. I don't actually know God's will; in absolutely brief summary, I practice the virtues and ideals found in the Bible, which direct my big decisions in life. Also, the Great Commission has more and more bearing on what I do with my time. So, with day-to-day prayer, I try and be open to sense God's direction through opened or closed doors. Feelings play a part, but don't drive the train. I'm open to being stretched, to be made uncomfortable, to go where I need to go, and be active and productive where I'm needed.
February 22, 2009
The Late Great Dr. Seuss
"Be who you are, and say what you think, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
The world reminds us time and time again with the anthem, “be yourself.” What if my self needs improving? Then it is not enough for me to “be myself.” I must attain to more. Greatness comes not from being great. It comes from being small.
“It is better to give than to receive.” But it is an equally positive thing to enjoy that which is given to you. Selflessness isn’t the abasement of self, but rather the enjoyment and encouragement of others.
There are higher ideals in life that I want and need in my life. And, in order to achieve in living those ideals, one must subscribe to the source of those ideals. Ideals are great things in themselves, but easily forgotten and neglected by us earthy, volatile humans. Focus on the source, in my case and opinion, on Jesus and God, is pivotal and instrumental in freeing me to successfully achieve my ideals.
This is written mostly as a reminder to me. My priorities of late have been upside-down. I am terribly selfish. I think acknowledgment is the first step in the right direction. I have always wanted to have more friends and be more involved in social groups and such. I haven’t really put much effort, however, in being a friend and taking steps to spend more time with people. That starts now.
The world reminds us time and time again with the anthem, “be yourself.” What if my self needs improving? Then it is not enough for me to “be myself.” I must attain to more. Greatness comes not from being great. It comes from being small.
“It is better to give than to receive.” But it is an equally positive thing to enjoy that which is given to you. Selflessness isn’t the abasement of self, but rather the enjoyment and encouragement of others.
There are higher ideals in life that I want and need in my life. And, in order to achieve in living those ideals, one must subscribe to the source of those ideals. Ideals are great things in themselves, but easily forgotten and neglected by us earthy, volatile humans. Focus on the source, in my case and opinion, on Jesus and God, is pivotal and instrumental in freeing me to successfully achieve my ideals.
This is written mostly as a reminder to me. My priorities of late have been upside-down. I am terribly selfish. I think acknowledgment is the first step in the right direction. I have always wanted to have more friends and be more involved in social groups and such. I haven’t really put much effort, however, in being a friend and taking steps to spend more time with people. That starts now.
January 19, 2009
This blog should have a new name
I should rename this blog. I do not post weekly. Or monthly for that matter. How long has it been? Half a year? Anyways, some new developments. I have fully accepted the God thing. I am a born-again believer, as cheesy as that sounds. Here is why:
I have been through all of the rationale. I have approached life from a skeptical, agnostic, borderline atheistic way. I accepted the fact that there was no inherent meaning of life. I thought I could make my own. I knew that happiness was fleeting and temporary. I accepted the bittersweet, nostalgic sense of emptiness and loneliness as norms for this life. My philosophy became making the best of what I had. Even if the best was far from good. I was okay with mediocre pleasures and half-joys instead of that rest that one needs for one's soul. I approached life from a different vantage point than what I was raised on. While eye-opening, it was torture.
As a person, I was harsh, sarcastic, negative, and very selfish. Extremely selfish. I was obsessed with the betterment of self. I saw society as an organism that had evolved to its present state. Laws, societal norms; all of these were rendered into cold and trivial means for society to keep itself from collapsing. There was no inherent law. No inherent order. Just contrived order. Manufactured laws. But what about love? Where did that fall into the equation?
Somehow I justified the existence of meaningful love in this world. The mere thought of a world without love terrified me. I knew better. More accurately, I felt better. So, I held onto the concept of love, deep, soul to soul, personal, God-like love. Even though the concept of love is nullified with a belief system that states that nothing exists except for the natural. No, I wasn't a naturalist. I did believe in a spiritual realm. Just not Christianity. I mean, how could it be true? It was foolishness. Miracles, infants in mangers, words written thousands of years ago by people, fallible people, then rewritten and translated and interpreted into what we now know as the Bible. How could this document possibly have any application for me?
I don't have a systematic defense of Christianity. I have tried in the past, and actually, much of that attempt is documented on this same blog about 2 years ago. Instead, here is why I choose the foolishness and often irrational ancient religion of Christianity. I came to my belief based on what I wanted in life. Did I want a life where all there was was my contrived meaning? Bittersweet, nostalgic, artificial, cold happiness? Or, on the other hand, did I want a life with connection, love, light, life, joy, and peace? The first world gave me freedom of will. The second world gave me freedom of soul. I came to Jesus because I somehow knew that the source of life lay at the life-giver.
This is the "epiphany" I received. It is childlike in nature, completely contrary to the scientific method, and foolish. But nevertheless, I believe it to be true. I thought about how the Bible possibly could be true, despite is numerous authors, who happened to be human. The it hit me. It was the word. The word of God. Jesus was the word. I asked God to give me a sign, an actual visual or aural sign that he was real. I thought about Jesus. Jesus was the revelation. He dwelt among humans. The Bible is the revelation. The Bible is quite literally Jesus. The Word of God.
This conflicts with everything I know to be true. But, somehow, it tinges with a rub of truth. I realized that I had always prayed to Father God, never to Jesus. I didn't know Jesus personally. Not as I can know a friend on earth and see them face to face. It is a deeper knowledge. And it comes from reading the word. I asked Jesus how to know him better, as it was quite difficult to know someone I couldn't see or hear, thus communicate with. Immediately I thought of the Word of God. The Bible. And that somehow reading the Bible, I would get to know Jesus better.
Childspeak. Foolish Biblethumping babble. I accept that. I also thought about how foolish it is to believe that chance be the mother of all living, and that we hold on to these glorious concepts of love, respect, selflessness, while trashing the belief systems in which these doctrines originate. I have many friends who are great human beings, perhaps better people than most Christians. But I could not honestly practice being a good person when I didn't have the faith to back it up.
One final note: I forgot the peace and joy of Christianity. It is like the enjoyment of taking half a day to watch a tree grow. Or listen to the waters of a stream. Or meditation. Yoga. Taking life slow. Relaxation. It is like the feeling of doing these things, except having the feeling more consistently. It is deeply embedded. I am now happy. I haven't been happy for a long time in my life. There is now love in my life. True love. I am being humbled. I realize how selfish I am now. My basis for hating Christianity was based mostly on the hypocrisy of Christians. I still hate the hypocrisy. But I know that what I saw wasn't true Christianity. My friends who stood by me in the dark times, and the friends who hang out with non-Christians and dine with "sinners", those are the true Christians.
There are so many thoughts and concepts I wanted to describe in this blog tonight. I have failed miserably to put it in perspective. Words fall to the floor. You don't know the weight that is off my shoulders. I know this all sounds cliche. But I feel like I have been given a second chance at life. I will attempt in the near future to gather my thoughts to more fully describe the transformation that took place in me.
I have been through all of the rationale. I have approached life from a skeptical, agnostic, borderline atheistic way. I accepted the fact that there was no inherent meaning of life. I thought I could make my own. I knew that happiness was fleeting and temporary. I accepted the bittersweet, nostalgic sense of emptiness and loneliness as norms for this life. My philosophy became making the best of what I had. Even if the best was far from good. I was okay with mediocre pleasures and half-joys instead of that rest that one needs for one's soul. I approached life from a different vantage point than what I was raised on. While eye-opening, it was torture.
As a person, I was harsh, sarcastic, negative, and very selfish. Extremely selfish. I was obsessed with the betterment of self. I saw society as an organism that had evolved to its present state. Laws, societal norms; all of these were rendered into cold and trivial means for society to keep itself from collapsing. There was no inherent law. No inherent order. Just contrived order. Manufactured laws. But what about love? Where did that fall into the equation?
Somehow I justified the existence of meaningful love in this world. The mere thought of a world without love terrified me. I knew better. More accurately, I felt better. So, I held onto the concept of love, deep, soul to soul, personal, God-like love. Even though the concept of love is nullified with a belief system that states that nothing exists except for the natural. No, I wasn't a naturalist. I did believe in a spiritual realm. Just not Christianity. I mean, how could it be true? It was foolishness. Miracles, infants in mangers, words written thousands of years ago by people, fallible people, then rewritten and translated and interpreted into what we now know as the Bible. How could this document possibly have any application for me?
I don't have a systematic defense of Christianity. I have tried in the past, and actually, much of that attempt is documented on this same blog about 2 years ago. Instead, here is why I choose the foolishness and often irrational ancient religion of Christianity. I came to my belief based on what I wanted in life. Did I want a life where all there was was my contrived meaning? Bittersweet, nostalgic, artificial, cold happiness? Or, on the other hand, did I want a life with connection, love, light, life, joy, and peace? The first world gave me freedom of will. The second world gave me freedom of soul. I came to Jesus because I somehow knew that the source of life lay at the life-giver.
This is the "epiphany" I received. It is childlike in nature, completely contrary to the scientific method, and foolish. But nevertheless, I believe it to be true. I thought about how the Bible possibly could be true, despite is numerous authors, who happened to be human. The it hit me. It was the word. The word of God. Jesus was the word. I asked God to give me a sign, an actual visual or aural sign that he was real. I thought about Jesus. Jesus was the revelation. He dwelt among humans. The Bible is the revelation. The Bible is quite literally Jesus. The Word of God.
This conflicts with everything I know to be true. But, somehow, it tinges with a rub of truth. I realized that I had always prayed to Father God, never to Jesus. I didn't know Jesus personally. Not as I can know a friend on earth and see them face to face. It is a deeper knowledge. And it comes from reading the word. I asked Jesus how to know him better, as it was quite difficult to know someone I couldn't see or hear, thus communicate with. Immediately I thought of the Word of God. The Bible. And that somehow reading the Bible, I would get to know Jesus better.
Childspeak. Foolish Biblethumping babble. I accept that. I also thought about how foolish it is to believe that chance be the mother of all living, and that we hold on to these glorious concepts of love, respect, selflessness, while trashing the belief systems in which these doctrines originate. I have many friends who are great human beings, perhaps better people than most Christians. But I could not honestly practice being a good person when I didn't have the faith to back it up.
One final note: I forgot the peace and joy of Christianity. It is like the enjoyment of taking half a day to watch a tree grow. Or listen to the waters of a stream. Or meditation. Yoga. Taking life slow. Relaxation. It is like the feeling of doing these things, except having the feeling more consistently. It is deeply embedded. I am now happy. I haven't been happy for a long time in my life. There is now love in my life. True love. I am being humbled. I realize how selfish I am now. My basis for hating Christianity was based mostly on the hypocrisy of Christians. I still hate the hypocrisy. But I know that what I saw wasn't true Christianity. My friends who stood by me in the dark times, and the friends who hang out with non-Christians and dine with "sinners", those are the true Christians.
There are so many thoughts and concepts I wanted to describe in this blog tonight. I have failed miserably to put it in perspective. Words fall to the floor. You don't know the weight that is off my shoulders. I know this all sounds cliche. But I feel like I have been given a second chance at life. I will attempt in the near future to gather my thoughts to more fully describe the transformation that took place in me.
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